Elephant curses

Why do we find it so hard to forgive others for their mistakes? Not just the ones that hurt us, but any of their errors? I can see how the things that are done to us personally have a longer shelf life, but we all hang on to the oddest things before, if, we find it in ourselves to forgive someone for their transgressions. Is it because we find it so hard to forgive ourselves for our errors, for the times that we have hurt those around us? We then carry that weight around with us and it affects everything that we do, all of the decisions that we make. Are we waiting for someone around us to do the same thing, make the same mistake, so we can can justify whatever we did?

We all make mistakes. We will all, at some point or another, hurt others. Sometimes we do in unknowingly and other times we unfortunately intend to cause pain. This is especially true the closer you are to someone. The truth of relationships between people is not that you can hurt each other more than those that you are not as close with, it is that you will hurt each other more.

Or is the problem not that we have trouble forgiving others, but that we have so much trouble forgetting? We are so scared of being hurt, and rightfully so. The problem is that this worry keeps us from truly enjoying new people, as we are so positive that they are going to hurt us the same way that someone has hurt us in the past. All of the new people we let into are lives are set against the events and people that have come before them. It is surprisingly hard not to attribute the faults of those that came before to those that come later.

I find it hard not to be worried about the wrongs that I have suffered through repeating themselves. What I realized is that if I do not open myself to the chance of them happening again, I will never find the love and acceptance that I seek. You have to take the chance of being hurt. Even if it has happened before. Even if it has happened more than once. Even if it has happened every time. I have to believe that it is worth it when you find it.

I mean, if it's not that I am so suing Hollywood for a seriously huge amount of money. Especially Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Fucking Sleepless In fucking Seattle.